When God’s Will is Gray

When God's Will is Gray

As a young child I was taught the black and white of God’s truth.  All things had a right and a wrong, and my supreme goal in life was to discern the right from the wrong and choose the right, all the while depending on God’s grace to cover me in those moments when I chose the black, not the white.

The overriding principle taught to me at church as a teen, aside from becoming like Christ and sharing Him with others, was to learn and follow the will of God.  As though that might be something separate from Christ-likeness and evangelism.

Enter the real world, when I was faced with my first real adult decision–where to attend college.  I wholeheartedly believed that if I read God’s word with diligence and bowed my head in prayer enough, that the God of the universe would bestow upon me some supernatural knowledge of what His detailed plan for my life entailed.

Because, “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord–plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.

How confused and disappointed I was when I discovered that I would not be receiving a holy message in a bottle about which college was the “right” one for me to attend.  I was going to have to make a choice.

If God’s will included a detailed plan for me, how was it that I was expected to call the shots without hearing his opinion?  What if I chose poorly and stepped out of His plan?  How was I, a mere teenager, supposed to be responsible for following this mysterious plan without a tangible road map?

The will of God seemed to be gray, and here I was trying to live a “white” life.

My mom gave me a little book several years later that I think was entitled “Discovering the Will of God”, but I cannot remember the author, and when I Google it, the search results for finding God’s will are endless.  Apparently, I’m not the only who finds God’s will a bit gray!

That little book was fairly revolutionary for me, because it painted the idea of God’s will in a new light.  It started me thinking that just maybe, God’s will had nothing at all to do with my choice of vocation, spouse, or residence.

That God’s will had much more to do with the attitudes of my heart and my daily acts of obedience than with these earthly matters that seem so important now, but which pale in comparison to God’s eternal purpose for me.

So now here I am, so many years later, wondering what God’s will for my life is.  Do I not get it?  Will I never learn?  I’m faced with a wide open book, waiting to be written.  I want to fill it only with things that are white, avoiding those things that are black.  And the only ink in my well is gray.

A creative lifestyle and DIY blogger, I make something in every spare moment. Sewing, knitting, baking, crafting, and anything else requiring thoughtful creativity or that will make my family happy top the list of the things I like to do.

1 Comment

  1. Loved reading this. I am totally lost as to what the purpose of my life is. God has a plan for me I know but I just can’t figure it out!

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